"More than words..."

February 7, 2012

            So I am writing this just after noon our time, 8 am your time. So the day or two after the frog incident we walked out and we found one frog all by his lonesome in our kitchen area.

   Awe look, he wants a kiss, any takers? He may be a  

                                         prince or princess in disguise!)

            It was me who caught the little guy so we could set him free. I was freaking out the whole time. I kept praying asking Heavenly Father to help me get him and not let him jump away because not only would it scare me to death, but I just wanted to help him go outside and be free.

I will be posting pictures in this blog about current events then post the other previous pictures in Flickr. Our videos don’t seem to want to work on my computer. They go slow motion, then there is no audio. I haven’t tried Trent’s computer yet to see if they would work on it. The cyber cafes here don’t like my blog. The speed of internet is 1G. Therefore, our ability to upload pictures is limited. The computers are slow to begin with, and the process to do more slows it down even further. The computers eventually crash. So, I really don’t know if my upload of pictures today will work, I guess we’ll see.

            So the greatest difficulty I am dealing with is things not working here (the internet; places not being open when we want to go eat…they close shop during afternoon and then for dinner as early as 7ish; no guarantees that anything will be open when you plan to go somewhere, it seems like a guessing game that I can’t seem to win; the food is good if you find a clean, good place-yet it seems like there aren’t very many;)

People who are at banks or any other establishment that we need something done aren’t able to help us; and there are just so many small things like that, which make it so difficult for me to function effectively or efficiently-just the other day we went looking for three ringed binders. We looked at 5-7 stores trying to find something. (We wanted it for the business). All we could find were little kid, huge decorated binders with Strawberry Shortcake, and other cartoons. Trent likes to joke that all the binders out here have Justin Beiber on all of them. I actually haven’t seen any with him on it because the items they have are behind the times, it seems to me to be that way. The only time I have seen anything current and modern are items at the mall. Church-church friends’ homes, my home, and the mall are my favorite places to be so far-also the USA Embassy. It is so hard to want to be punctual, to be effective with work, school or anything because of how long it takes to do anything. You either have to walk or take a bus because a taxi costs too much. So we wait for the bus hoping it will come....sing with me now: ”Wishing and hoping and thinking and praying… Planning and dreaming, the bus will arrive, but that won't get the bus to come faster…So if you’re thinking how great it would be to have the bus arrive fast, All you gotta do is keep yourself distracted, through chatting and dancing and singing or something…Just do it and after you do, you will be sane.” Oh, yeah!!! Thank you, thank you everybody!!!

The sad thing is that I can’t take my kindle with me, my iPod or anything to help with waiting because the fear of being robbed. It is so unfortunate. I don’t mind it being difficult to do things, but what really gets me is the disappointment and sadness that I feel. Having to deal with the things being challenging has taught me a couple of things. I am learning lessons about Patience 101, but it really feels like Patience 500. I am just playing, trying to ease things up with a little bit of humor. Seriously now, the lessons of patience, compassion, love, gratitude. Today, I saw someone assisting who looked like his father or grandpa who was blind. I just wanted to break down and cry for him. I feel miserable being here and I am blessed with what I do have, even if it is not luxurious or 5 star hotel lifestyle. I complain to Trent about the heat and so much more and here is a man who can’t even see!!! Can you say with me “Perspective”. Wow, living here is difficult especially to walk around because of the structure of the roads, sidewalks, and building which are damaged from the weather. This man (who is blind) is not at home bitter that he can’t see. He is out walking around. I feel like such a big baby. I really wish I didn’t take for granted what I had back in the good ole USA. The place we are at is Ananindeua which would be considered ghetto in USA. Things are broken down, or stuff just doesn’t work. It really seems uninhabitable, yet people live here. Don’t get me wrong-there is usually at least a structure that looks modern with actual windows, but the majority of things are broken down. I look out the window of our bus ride and see the environment. I tell Trent that everything looks deserted and he tells me that everyone is probably at home sleeping or aren’t out. I told him, “No, it looks like ruins of a city that was once inhabited with people”.

(Trent just asked me how my blog is going and I told him in one word to sum up what I have been discussing so far…”mournful”. Hahahaha.)

            I may seem like a hopeless foreigner, but I really want to believe that I am better off having this experience than not having it. Could I be handling everything better? I really probably could be. I mean, look at those who live in countries that have shacks or no home at all. It breaks my heart more than anything else. I at least get to leave and go back home in April, but these people are here stuck in it. There are a great amount of people who suffer in silence or at least don’t complain. The members here are so happy and find joy in each other and in the gospel truth. They seek to improve their life here with what they do have or they work hard to achieve more. They are TRULY grateful with everything they do have. People on the streets, on the bus, at shopping centers are all solemn in the face, but I really don’t blame them. I probably look the same as them because of the heat it just kills ya. You feel like you’re drowning but it is a bed of heat, instead of water-you can argue it is water because of the humidity. I’ll give ya that. =)

            Lately, I have tried to bring some comfort in the moment and Trent and I bust out in song on the street as we walk. We walked with Raphael down a street and we busted or rather Trent busted out in song for me. I asked him to sing for me. I asked him to sing Vindicated. Here we are all walking down the street, with our umbrellas opened up over our heads. (Trent has his tiny black one, me and my colorful flower, butterfly umbrella and Raphael with this gigantic black one. It is so funny for me to see. It is like Papa bear, Mama bear, and baby bear with the whole sizes) Trent starts out slow and solemn…”hope dangles on a string like slow spinning redemption winding in winding out, the shine of which has caught my eye, roped me in so mesmerizing, so hypnotizing I am captivated  I am”…Busts out the chorus for all to hear…”VINDICATED, I am selfish I am wrong, I am right I swear I am right, I swear I knew it all a long and I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself, so clear…” faded out. When we passed by this truck, Trent said that  some guys said shoot or something like that in reference to his singing. I laughed. I told him, “love, I love your singing”. As we walked onward to the end of the street, I told Trent…”You know you really should have sang Britney Spears ‘Oops I did it again’. They probably would have enjoyed that better”. We all busted up laughing. We then started into the song slowly …”Oops I did it again…I played with your heart,  got lost in the game. Oops you think I am in love. That I am sent from above…I am not that Innocent!”…We didn’t pull out any dance moves, sorry for those of you at home who were waiting for that description and hoping we did. I don’t think we would have done Britney Spears any justice to her dance moves or her singing either for that matter. Hahahahaha.

            On a more serious note. The joy that has come from this trip is the transformation of my heart. I thought I understood what love meant, but being here has shown me a whole new dimension of love. I’ll like to explain what has taken place.

            So, I have had the feeling that I needed to study about what love really means, so I have been studying in the scriptures about it. I can share with you my notes, but really, it is a discovery I’ll let you do for yourself because those words won’t do justice to the experience that I will now describe for you. I will sum up everything of my study and experience into a phrase…”Love is more than words, it is action”. I’ll now explain what I mean…

            You may think that because I can’t speak the language here that it just must be so terrible for me. Well, I will agree with you on a certain level, but the lesson I have learned from not knowing how to speak fluently with anyone here is something I wouldn’t trade for anything. Why, You may ask. Well, how else do you communicate with someone if you don’t know their language…anyone up to guessing? Can you guess how it has been done?

            Well, let me give you some ideas or examples to give you a hint. First off, I want to explain the nonverbal communication that most of the people here have exhibited. I have come to observe their actions on a daily basis, everywhere. Their actions are different than what I am used to, to a certain extent. People back home would call it rudeness, and I have done the same until I have understood more about these people from watching them and my own interaction among them. So a brief description: When we are on a street and we are waiting for a bus, we experience a lot of nonverbal communication. What are they trying to say? Hmm..I don’t know perfectly. However, what they do is usually stare at me with no smile. They just stare. (I know what you may be thinking…”Haven’t their parents told them that it is not polite to stare?”-I don’t know. Hahaha.) We then wave for our bus to stop when we find the right one  because there are literally 15 or more that pass by us. When we are about to step on board 5 people step ahead or shove us aside in order to get on themselves. Then there is the cutting in front of me for things. There is the abruptness or what people would call assertiveness in the way they try to get what they need. Now, keep in mind that this is majority, but don’t overlook the minority-okay? I hope you are able to understand why these people do this, if you haven’t by now then I will later explain.

Okay, now here we go with another example. I want you to pay attention to the nonverbal communication okay? Now, come on. You know you want to play. Discovering it yourself is so much more fun. Okay. So When I was on the bus on our way to church this last Sunday I was sitting on a chair and Trent had to sit behind me because that is just how the seating can be on the bus. You are lucky to find a spot or you are separated from your bus companions. So I sat there on the bus, worrying about my hair because the curls were falling out due to the wind, the heat, humidity and because my poor Tresemme hair spray doesn’t exist here. Alright, enough of my whining. So, I see this row right in front of me with two seats, which is usually the layout on the buses, with occasional three row seats. (The layout is really like the buses back in USA with the two sides on the bus and an aisle in the middle to go down to find a seat. ) So the two seats in front of me had a guy on the seat near the aisle with the seat next to him- empty, which was next to the window. (The bus seats are cramped because of the way it was made. When you sit down your knees run into the back of the seat in front of you.)  The guy had no shirt, wore shorts and had his knees spread to either side of him to have space. This woman comes onto the bus who looked like she was late 30s or early 40s. She had a little boy with her. She looked solemn and reserved. The boy ducked under the bar that prevents passengers from going forward onto the bus until they have paid. He walked forward and was looking for an empty spot to sit. He then heard her call for him. He pointed to the seat next to the guy who sat in front of me. She grabbed his hand and pulled him near her and said something to him. The guy who sat in front of me was aware of them and just stayed put. He didn’t move over or anything. The woman and the boy stood hanging onto the seats or the polls. The bus stopped to pick up and drop off on the side of the road. The guy got off.  I waved to the woman and got her attention. I patted the seat in front of me and she directed the boy to sit and as she walked to the seat she looked at me as I was smiling at her communicating “here you go”. She smiled back with such a warmness that is difficult to explain. In that moment, I understood what happened. We communicated more with our eyes and face than we could have done with any words that we could have spoken to one another. The look in her eyes, as I interpreted, was one of surprise and appreciation as though no one does that here…looking out for one another (well, on the streets). I smiled in return, “of course, my pleasure”. We get off the bus and walk to the church. We made it just in time.

            Church has been one of my favorite places because of different reasons. One reason is…

(Oh, I forgot. Have you figured out or understand now why people exhibit the reserved or dejected vibe or when they are assertive/abrupt? Well, my theory is this: Take the observation of not only the individual him/herself but of the environment, their level of need. Those who don’t know Maslow’s hierarchy of needs I will give you brief overview. Picture a triangle. There are five equal sections of this triangle with base obviously being bigger and the point the smallest because of the width of these sections going from base-large to point-small.

The reason I am explaining these levels is to explain the level that most of these individuals are at. They are assertive or abrupt because they are at a state of survival here (they feel that there is scarcity or lack of things- or things are more urgent). In order to survive they may need to be assertive or abrupt and that bleeds into how they behave in most circumstances. When it comes to food, or even getting on the bus. They are pushy because they don’t know when they will see a bus that will take them where they need to go, especially home. The other night we waited over an hour for the bus we needed to go home. Like I said their environment and lifestyle explains and helps me understand why they behave they do. They are not being malicious. That lady who appreciated my kindness…why did she not want the boy to sit next to the person alone? It isn’t safe and you don’t know who you can trust, especially strangers on the bus. How do I know these things for the different individuals? Because the majority act the same way. Since I can’t really talk to them I have come to watch and observe. Actions speak louder than words sometimes. )

            Back to church. We made it to church. It was fast Sunday. I told Trent how I wanted to bear my testimony. I usually am really nervous to speak in public, but do you know why I wasn’t that nervous? I would be speaking English and nobody would understand me (Besides, Trent would be able to fill in blanks in Portuguese). I would suggest to those who do public speaking to try and think about everyone else speaking another language. It helped me a little bit because it lessened the scary feeling. Hahahaha. Well, I went up and sat next to Rose Mary. She is Trent’s friend who is married to the Stake President. She is the mother of the Oliveira family (they have two kids…a boy and girl) She put her arm around me and held me as I waited for my turn. She went up and bore her testimony. Trent then prompted me that it would be my turn in a moment. I got up and looked at everyone as Trent told them that I will be bearing my testimony and that he would translate. I looked at Trent nervously and then looked at the congregation and they giggled because they could tell I was nervous. So I proceeded to bear my testimony about the truthfulness of the gospel and how it is the same no matter where you go in the world. I also explained how I miss my family and friends. I explained how it is difficult to be away from everyone I know and because everything is so different here. I told them that Heavenly Father has helped me as I have read scriptures, prayed, and through all of their service they’ve given to me. I told them that even though I can’t communicate with them that I felt their love and felt like I was at home because church felt like home, and felt like they are my family away from home. I told them that through them Heavenly Father was helping me. Through the way they are towards me. They would invite me to sit with them in Relief Society. They would help me find the right hymnal page. They would give me handouts. They would just include me in everything. I told them that I was able to feel of their love even though we couldn’t communicate in words. (I appreciate their love for me. They express themselves so much in their eyes, facial expressions.) I told them that I am working on learning their language so I can communicate with them.  I told them that they were true disciples of Christ because the way that they live, their examples. Meanwhile, Trent would be interjecting with translation of what I was saying. Prior to us coming up, I had Trent tell me how to say, “In the name of Jesus Christ Amen” in Portuguese. He wrote it out how it sounded. I wanted to end my testimony in Portuguese. I spoke “ane (like window pane) no-me gi jazues cree-stow ah-mane” (keep in mind that is the phonetic spelling, not Portuguese). I then looked up and saw the Oliveira smiling so big and I walked off. Trent proceeded to bear his testimony. I couldn’t understand anything except, “me espousa”. (My wife). During his testimony, a young woman tapped my shoulder and handed me a note in English. “Hi! How you doing? You are not alone. I am learning English…and if you want I can help you to learn Portuguese. We both can learn. Kiss, Rebecca (your new friend in Para)”. After the prayer, there were so many people who came up to me. They all came up and were talking to me and Trent was translating everything the best he could. The first person who came up to me actually spoke in English. He is MTC teacher in Sao Paulo for missionaries. He has many missionaries come through whose main language is English, so he has learned a lot of English. He did great. He was encouraging me and telling me that with the Lord’s support that I will be strengthened in being able to learn the language. He said that everyone there will love to help me, especially him as he is on his vacation for a couple of weeks more to visit his family and friends. There were many young children even coming up and telling me that they want to be my friend. Rebecca’s mom told me that she could act out so we can communicate ( I told her we could play charades. LOL) or that she would learn English so she could talk with me. Talk about dedication of someone!!!! Can you imagine having someone in the USA from a foreign country, not speaking English and we expect them to learn our language in order to communicate with us. Here this lady wants to do everything she can to make me feel comfortable and not alone. Wow, (can "wow" be said too much?!!) Trent went off and left me with Raphael Azevedo and Raphael Oliveira. They were translating for me what everyone was saying. Raphael Oliveira ended up leaving, but not before we all could take pictures together. 

Missionary, Elder Stacy. He is from Plumas Lake, California...Aunt Tulan and Unlce Justin, he knows you...

 Back: Joelson (Priscilla's fiance),Raphael Oliveira's family: Priscilla Oliveira (sister), Rose Mary Oliveira (mom), Raphael Azevedo (our business partner), President Olieveira (dad) .

                           

Raphael Azevedo was having a hard time keeping up with the translating a little bit, but don’t worry we had a English/Portuguese dictionary. Brother Durval came up and spoke to me. He and his wife invited us over weeks ago for Family Home Evening, but we didn’t make it. That day was the Monday after our first Sunday here and I was struggling so bad. I just didn’t want to go anywhere. We didn’t have a cell phone or their number, so we couldn’t call and explain. We didn’t show and they were concerned. Trent explained and they felt really bad. They discussed that later might help. Well, Druval explained through Raphael that his wife and him prayed about me. They asked to understand what it must be like for me here away from my family. He said that they learned about what I am going through. They said they cried because they understood how I am feeling. Can you imagine???!!!! Someone praying to have empathy for me, to be able to understand how I was feeling because they couldn’t really talk to me and because they wanted  to help in any way they could. He even invited us over that night for dinner. (I think I told you, but maybe not. We have church at 3:30 PM so we don’t get done until after 6 PM. Church at night…interesting huh?) Dinner was fantastic. I was so touched by them. They are so spiritual and you could feel it in their home. They have the Holy Ghost with them. They are inspired. So they made beef stroganoff. Their kids ate left over fish because they wanted to make sure we had enough, familiar food. They gave us homemade juice, jelly and crackers, and so much more. Then Andresa was telling us jokes. This is my favorite: The teacher gave all the students homework. The assignment was to go home and come back the next day with three phrases. So Johnny goes home and walks up to his mom in the kitchen who was cooking. He asks her to give him a phrase and she says,” Shut up, leave me alone”. Then he goes to his brother Charlie and asks for a phrase from him.  Charlie was watching a Batman cartoon and says, “I’m batman”. Then he goes up to his dad who was singing a song and asks him for a phrase. His dad sings, “I’ll take a taxi”. He returns to school the next day and his teacher calls upon Johnny to come up and give his phrases. He responds, “Shut up, leave me alone”. The teacher says, “You can’t talk to me like that. Who do you think you are?”. He responds, “I’m Batman!”. She says, “Go to the principal’s office”. He responds, “I’ll take a taxi”.

 Oh, my goodness!!!! I am cracking up right now and giggling because it is so funny!!!

                          Beautiful family: Andresa, Arthur, Durval, and Rosana

Trent played Brother Druval’s acoustic guitar a little bit. Brother Durval played this song on his guitar “More than Words” and Trent sang…”Saying the words I love you are not the words I want to hear from you, It is not that I want you not to say but if you only knew how easy it would be to show me how you feel, Chorus: More than words was all I ever needed you to show that your love for me is real, then you wouldn’t have to say you love me because I’d already know”

He continued throughout the song. The reason this song meant so much to me is because earlier when Brother Durval and I spoke we understood how his wife and him understood what I have been feeling, which was through the Holy Ghost and their hearts. We understand how I am feeling everyone’s love for me and it is more than words. I have come to understand that love is not merely expressing in words, but action. I have to say that loving someone in action more than words is a whole other dimension that can’t be understood until experienced. The people here don’t think of themselves as much as they do for each other, especially for me. They think about how to help me feel like I’m at home. They try to help me feel happy and comfortable. They sacrifice what they want or need so that I can have everything I need. The sacrifice is like a duty to their fellowman. Can you imagine being that way? Can you imagine life living with bare minimums to survive and giving to others who don’t even have that? Can you imagine praying for someone to understand and have empathy for them because you want to help them? Can you imagine such faith? Can you imagine traveling to the temple on a bus for 32 hours on roads that are bumpy and need to be repaved because of potholes? Can you imagine living each day for your God and your fellowmen? Having material objects be last on your mind?

            Can you go out this week to love someone in this way? Can you be observant and not hear someone’s words of “Oh, I’m okay” and see that their nonverbal communication is indicating something is wrong. Can you pray to understand and help another in need? Can you put aside personal opinion or biases that you think you know about someone, but really it is assumptions and truly letting go and trying to help or even just love them?

            I think many of you have and do this often. I think many people at one moment or another experience this in their life. I think we can forget or be distracted. Can we love strangers? Can we love others as the good Samaritan? I love this scripture I recently read in Luke… I can’t find it, but basically is about how it is easy to love someone we know, but we don’t gain much from it. We gain more from loving someone who we may not get along well with. I’ll let you know when I find it.

            I like this Stacie Orrico song, “A Beautiful Awakening”.

             “A beautiful awakening has happened in my soul, a beautiful awakening that only I could know. Try to imagine a song that you never heard, a color you have never seen. Try to describe a taste you have not tasted then maybe you’ll know what I mean. A beautiful awakening has happened in my soul, a beautiful awakening that only I could know. Can you imagine if you spent your whole life with a heart beating out of time. Then one day your wild heart found its rhythm, don’t you think you would lose your mind? A beautiful awakening has happened in my soul, a beautiful awakening that only I could know. What if you woke up one day and your eyes could see ugly things as beautiful, ay…Would you believe it if you fell in love with a stranger would you be doubtful?A beautiful awakening has happened in my soul A beautiful awakening that only I could know. When I looked at you My heart already knew. You had come to breathe life into my dormant soul. I was terrified. I'm not afraid anymore Cause I know that you embrace my heart and I feel alive. Yeah yeah, ohh. A beautiful awakening has happened in my soul
A beautiful awakening that only I could know. A beautiful awakening has happened in my soul
And I know that you know. A beautiful awakening

            I want you all to know that I love you. I hope that I can show love for deeply than I have before, for I can see the way to love is more than words…